Even The Strongest Soldiers Grow Weak

This poignant story was shared by Patsy Schonegevel at the press conference that DignitySA held on 9 April 2026. At the age of 28, Craig died alone on 1 September 2009, by his own hand, and not in his parents arms as he had wanted. We thank Patsy and Neville for their courage and generosity and honour their beloved son, and his choices.

One day Craig asked his father Neville, and I to sit down. He had something important to say.

He said, “Mum and Dad, I want to go to Switzerland. I want an assisted death. It is more gentle than suicide. I want you, Mum to hold me in your arms and you Dad to hold us both, as I take my last breath.” 

My response was simple, “Yes, Craig. I will come with you. I will hold you.”

But how does a mother agree to that? How does a parent even begin to accept such a decision? 

Let me explain.

A Life Defined By Illness

Craig was diagnosed at just one year old with neurofibromatosis type 1, which is a very variable condition. Some people never experience health problems and others have life threatening complications. 

At first, we hoped he might not be severely affected. But, by age seven, those hopes were gone. He underwent brain tumour surgery, followed by three further operations in London.

During one of those, he lost a kidney. Fortunately his remaining kidney functioned, supported by a vein taken from his leg.

Craig attended a special needs school throughout his education. He faced coordination challenges and learning difficulties. Yet, he persevered and achieved academically. 

He was not allowed to play contact sports due to his condition. As a result, he was often teased and bullied. His school years were not happy ones.

The Progression of the Disease

Over time, Craig developed fibromas - tumours across his body. Some became painful and had to be surgically removed.

I remember searching for a special pillow because he had huge fibromas on the back of his head that made lying down unbearable. Those were eventually removed, but one on the top of his head could not be treated and continued to grow.

Despite everything, Craig qualified as a personal trainer - something he was incredibly proud of. But, just as he was about to start a business, his health deteriorated again. He developed severe abdominal obstructions linked to earlier surgeries. 

The pain he endured during these episodes was indescribable. No child should have to experience that level of suffering. No parent should have to witness it.

Relentless Suffering

Our lives became a cycle of brief happiness, followed by crisis. Late night emergency hospital visits became routine. Each time Craig went into surgery he hoped it would be his last. 

It never was. The disease was relentless. It slowly broke down his body, his strength and, eventually, his spirit. 

In the final two years of his life, Craig lost the will to keep fighting.

A Mother’s Perspective

I carry a photograph of Craig in my handbag - lying in a hospital bed, in pain, waiting for surgery. 

When I miss him dearly, I look at the photo and ask myself, “ Do I want him back, knowing he would have to endure all that pain again?”

My answer is always no. I would not choose that life for him

By the age of 27, after a lifetime of suffering, Craig had simply had enough. As he said, “Even the strongest soldiers grow weak.”

The Right To Die with Dignity

Craig’s journey taught me something profound: there is nothing wrong with a human being wanting a medically assisted death under certain circumstances. 

In South Africa this was not an option for him. He was prepared to travel to Switzerland to access it - despite being on a liquid diet for the final four months of his life. I will never forget him sitting on our bed - frail, exhausted - calling Dignitas and pleading to be allowed to come. 

No one should have to beg for a dignified death. As Craig said, “If I were a dog, I would have been put to sleep a long time ago.”

He was not depressed. 

He was not confused.

He was fully aware, fully capable - and simply did not want to suffer any longer.

A Call to Reflection

Ask yourself, “ If you were in Craig’s position, what would you do?” 

I understand this is a deeply controversial topic, and I respect differing views. But I ask you to respect mine too.

If you believe in the right to dignity in death, I encourage you to support DignitySA. Change will only come if people are willing to speak up and advocate for it.

A Parent’s Final Gift

There comes a time when a parent can no longer make decisions for their child. There comes a time when the greatest act of love is to let them go.

It will break your heart, but it might also bring them peace.