My Husband’s Living Will Protected His Peace

Ann Buttle shares a moving account of her final gift to her beloved husband…

Rod and I shared 58 years of marriage. We built a life together, raised our two sons, and shared a love for the outdoors. Even after Rod was diagnosed with renal and lung cancer in his forties, undergoing major surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, we never stopped moving. We hiked, we stayed active, and Rod remained a formidable croquet player.

But as the years passed, his health began to compromise the independence he valued so deeply.

At 79, Rod faced a short illness, and doctors recommended a mitral valve replacement. We knew the risks were high. During the operation, our fears were realized: he bled out, was resuscitated on the operating table and because he only had one kidney, he was placed on dialysis.

When I saw him after the, he showed clear signs of oxygen deprivation. He could not hold a conversation with us and I was suddenly standing at the edge of an excruciating decision. The kind and caring doctors who tended to him, hoped his body would be able to rally but it was clear to all that this was not possible. To keep him alive meant forcing him into a life of profound compromise, a life of dependency and suffering that I knew he would have hated.

In that moment of overwhelming grief and pressure, I wasn't alone. Rod and I had talked about this for years. He had completed the DignitySA’s template for a living will and clearly outlined his wishes for a time just like this.

When I showed the document to his doctors, they respected it immediately. Because Rod had spoken for himself through that paper, they did not attempt to resuscitate him.

Handing over Rod’s living will was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was also my final act of devotion. It wasn't my "decision" to end his life; it was my duty to honour his.

On the 16th of November 2023, the doctors removed life support and Rod passed away peacefully. While I miss him terribly every day, I carry a profound sense of peace knowing I protected him from the very thing he feared most.

This experience also solidified my own resolve. I have now completed my own living will using DignitySA’s template. I trust that our sons will follow my example and adhere to my wishes, even if it is difficult for them. Ultimately, it is my life, and I feel entitled to decide how my story ends.

Thank you, DignitySA, for giving us the tools to protect our peace.

To access templates for advanced directives please visit https://www.dignitysouthafrica.org/resources-for-patients-advance-directives-templates