The Fear of Becoming Irrelevant
The Fear of Becoming Irrelevant
There is a moment in every life, especially as the shadow lengthens and the light begins to soften, when one confronts a terrible question: Will I still matter when I am no longer useful?
For those facing a terminal illness, this question does not knock politely. It kicks in doors, uninvited, sits at the bedside, and stares quietly until it is acknowledged. The fear is not merely of dying; it is of fading, of being forgotten while still breathing, like an old polaroid.
We live in a world that worships productivity. Our worth is measured in what we can do, rather than what we are. We are taught from a young age that to stop producing is to stop existing. And so, when illness strips away the energy to contribute in the ways we once did, to work, to lead, to care for others, we confuse the slowing of the body with the diminishing of the soul.
But irrelevance is an illusion.
The dying person carries within them the distilled essence of human experience, the wisdom of fragility. They have crossed the threshold where the masks of ambition fall away. If we could only see it, those nearing the end of their journey are the true teachers among us. They remind us that relevance is not born of power, or youth, or function. It is born of presence.
To stay relevant in the face of death is not to fight for the same stage upon which the living dance, it is to redefine what the stage is. It may be a quiet room, where words of reconciliation are finally spoken. It may be the gentle instruction to loved ones on how to live with grace. It may be the decision to leave this world with dignity, rather than in silent suffering.
In the dying with dignity movement, relevance takes on a sacred form. To claim agency over one’s own end is to declare: I am still here. I am still the author of my story. It is a final act of creation, a closing paragraph written not by fate, but by the hand of the self.
The poet Rumi once wrote, “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” To live with dignity, even at the end, is to understand this truth. Relevance is not what the world remembers of you, but what light you pass on before you leave.
And so, those who fear irrelevance can take comfort in this: to die with awareness, compassion, and choice is to become part of something far greater than the self. It is to become a quiet revolution in a world that hides from death. It is to whisper into the ears of the living: Do not wait to be dying to live with intention.
The fear of irrelevance dissolves when we understand that every act of courage, especially in the face of mortality, echoes beyond the grave.
You will not be forgotten, for you have chosen to leave as you lived: awake, aware, and unafraid to speak your truth.
Dawid van der Merwe
Somerset West
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